Hey I’m awake
No light, no rain
Brain fried I wonder
What have I become?
In this dread filled space I turn to you and only you
Bloodshot vision dimmed by clouds in my hand and I see the ray
In all colours my thoughts meander and pace
Intertwining and dancing to the subtly dangerous melody you play
Why do I run to you?
I found someone to blame and it wasn’t you or him
Life. It was her, Life
The scheming, the lows and self induced highs
The unending events that are put in play by her
I tell myself she pushed me to you
I remind myself it wasn’t and is never ever my fault
Am I right?
She comes at her time and acts accordingly
Never minding what I might have plotted
Somedays it’s good, other days it’s confusing
I felt lost in her embrace
She gave me herself for which I didn’t demand
And I’ll leave her on the day I do not know
Is it so hard for you too?
To just see a clear picture in her frame
And be glad for her embrace?
Have you found your truth?
Are you hoping that one day
You too will awaken from this continuous slumber?
You see why I always turn to you?
I’m awake and I’m still confused
Bed peace far from reach
As the windows to my soul shut for the day
For a second solitude comes to aid
But then she came into my dreams
Unfamiliar faces starring in my subconscious
One or two of you, white or green and I felt reborn
Like you payed the debt and my world had just been handed back to me by her
Like I was riding on unicorns in an alien land
I called home
Unexplainable I must say but know this
You made me feel like Meredith in a candy store
You gave me mirrors and when I looked, I saw how you changed my life and for once here, freedom was so close
Hope, that’s what they call it
I felt it in my core
You renewed my senses, appetite too
You gave me new eyes, I was blind for so long
You touched me, with no hands you held me so close, like you had to hold on for dear life
Or was the reverse the case?
You showed me the face behind the mask
Before I could blink, you gave me what only her would give and I didn’t demand
You set me on fire and kissed me goodbye while you secretly stayed and watched me burn
But you see today’s awakening is different
Today I saw her and I saw you and
Realization hit me like a plague
She’s still in control
I’m still prisoner to her, Life.
She gave You to me!!!
I’m lost again.