The Cycle

[Poem for the recovering addict, the one fighting to be free from the demons of addiction]

I’m awake
Eyes open to a day that has never existed, a new day

And the cycle continues

I think I’m okay

I think I’m not

I’ve stopped counting

Consciously avoiding the number of days I’ve spent without you.

I feel like if I keep track, I’d come running back to you

My wings are broken

My legs are numb

I want you

So bad I crave you like this air rushing into my lungs

I can’t breathe, for a second I lose my head

It’s spinning, I get busy to evade the very thought of you

But it’s not working, never did

It’s like I’ve fallen into your arms cold again but in my mind

It’s like you’ll never let me go

Like you’re tattooed on my brain


The first day we met, I was curious and for sure curiosity got this cat trapped, waiting to be killed

I think I love you but only because you put a gun to my head

Only because you took control of me and of this mirage I’ve become accustomed

I’m awake

I open my eyes to the light of a new day

And the cycle continues

I’m not okay

I think I want you

I’ve so easily forgotten the baggage

The torture you bring

The mental scars still fresh and yet I want you even more

The feeling of being invincible yet so vulnerable

This pearly gate you opened to me,

I looked through and saw that all that glitters was pure gold

Gold buried in thorns, which

For you I’ve bled

Even now as I write with my life pouring out as ink on this paper, Paper drenched in tears from eyes young but old enough to feel,

I miss your solace, your sting

Some days I wish I could travel back in time, erase the first time you made sweet love to my mind

But wishes don’t exist and here I am


Starved, aching, wanting you

But not today, today I will run

I will fight, I will float

Maybe tomorrow I’ll drift into your warm embrace, but not today,

Today I’ll think, I’d breathe and let it go

Tomorrow the cycle will continue

But today, I will win!!!

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